Fast forward Four weeks and it was time to leave my dad's. It was time to go home and face my family, my 'Demons' and the outside world.Before I faced my Family, I was quite nervous. They knew something was wrong, but they didn't know exactly what it was. So here we go, the moment of truth I though. I opened the door slowly and walked into the living room. They jumped up to hug and kiss me. The odd tear was shed, and my family were happy to see me.
I knew my Mum had phoned the police to make sure I was alright, because she was very worried,as were my brother and sister. I was absolutely fine and had let them knew this when I was staying at my father's. Everyone sat in the living room, with their eyes fixed on me eager to hear what I had to say. You couldn't hear a pin drop,and then I took my deep breath and told them about my erratic six months of drug abuse. I could see and feel the expression of sadness and regret about what had been happening to me at this time in my life. I put my arms around my head and cried like a baby, waiting for my mum, brother or sister to hold me.I felt ashamed, but my family was so supportive. They helped me beat this horrible addiction.
Without them, I wouldn't be telling you this Story, so a lot of gratitude and love goes to them for their support. At 18 years of age, I was too young to die. It brought me and my brother, Michael, closer. He looked out for me. We had a lot in common like playing football and family games. I also became closer to my sister,Jackie. At that time, she was a student at university and training to be an actress.She was feisty and highly educated.My cousins, Eddie and Sharon, were also very close to us all. Everyone was very supportive, warm, and understanding because that is how my family had brought us up - to love and respect everyone from the heart, no matter who we meet.
The next step was to tell my friends about my habit, especially the closest people to me at this time Some of them knew how I felt, and some of them started to look out for me to stay away from the junkies. They did this by asking questions and monitoring my attitude and behaviour everyday.There was no doubt that I had to stay away from certain people if i was going to kick this habit. As did that I started to get stronger and stronger. I tried to rebuild my life. I started to get stronger and stronger. I tried to rebuild my life. I started going to the gym, walking and reading books. I got myself well again with some help from outside organisations.
I checked in with a psychiatrist,psychologists, and anyone else who could help me.I was certainly back on the road to some kind of normality.Opening up and talking to people in professional roles gave me the clarity I needed.Thankfully, I wasn't losing my mind.
They were dark days and I would say they lasted 12 months. Sometimes, it felt like being in a bottomless pit or going through a dark tunnel waiting to see the light.However, this period of time helped me focus and get better at living my life.I have to admit that I did a lot of apologising to so many people for my behaviour. The apologies were accepted emphatically. I was living my life again, or was I? I was still going to late-night . My Uncle Eddie was very protective of me because we spent so many days off our faces on magic mushrooms just for a laugh, and it was very funny.
You have heard the saying time flies when you are having fun.My life was very enjoyable. I was the kind of person who was never in one place too long.I learnt to drive and started driving at the age of 21 in 1991. I was independent and could go where I wanted to, and that's how I enjoyed my life.I used to drive to a lot of night clubs, enjoying myself with my friends, and my brother and uncle.Late-night rave parties were amazing to me. I met so many different people and formed some fantastic friendships.However I knew I was growing older and couldn't maintain this type of lifestyle for much longer,so I decided to grow up a little bit. I did feel I was at a crossroads in my life,but I wasn't prepared for how much my life was about to change.
By 1996, the rest of my Family settled down with their partners.. My sister decided to move down to London to pursue her acting career; my brother settled down with his partner; my mum had moved on with her partner and so had my Uncle Eddie.
A lot changed in that year.My grandad retired from the newspaper he used to print - The Reporter in Ashton Under Lyne. The large House in Gorton was costing us too much, so we decided to the house and move on in our own directions.I ended up moving to another area of Manchester- Clayton- with my mum.This was also a very challenging area to live in.There was a lot of unemployment there.Our house was robbed,and my car was broken into.Nothing ever lasts forever, especially the good times, but we were always close considering the problems our family had to face and overcome.
Most of my family had settled down, and they had new families to think of and live with.Uncle Eddie lived just down the road with his partner, and my uncle and I still enjoyed the closeness and togetherness of the family.Does darkness always turn to darkness? This cannot be right!
I remember going to bed after work one night, not knowing that the next day was going to change my life again. Early in the morning, my mum's boyfriend at that time popped his head around the door to tell me that Uncle Eddie had collapsed at home and had been rushed to hospital. I couldn't believe it! I jumped up-out of my bed and raced to the hospital to see my Uncle. When I got there, my grandad was reading the bible, so I knew this was serious.My Uncle Eddie had collapsed in the shower after suffering a brain haemorrhage. He died in hospital. He was only 46. To lose someone I loved so much at such a young age was traumatic for me. The hole world was devastated - that's how popular my uncle was.
I was so angry and frustrated- it felt like I was having a nervous breakdown!The pain of losing someone who I was very close to was heart-breaking and upsetting. I thought I was going mad.I wanted the whole world to stop and feel my pain. My lovely Grandad whose son had just died, was a tower of strength for the whole family. He was the 'Man of the House' with distinguished gentlemanly characteristics. My grandad was noble and upright, and he carried out his faith elegantly.The whole family were in so much pain. It was if we were all losing our minds over this death. I know now that I didn't grieve properly and have a guess what was going on in my mind? 'Darkness always turns to Darkness'.
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